I have been searching back and forth

for diet books, body positivity, and the mindset that I need,

but I haven't found any till this day.

For all the years I've been living,

I have been fighting to get the body that I wanted.

Some parts of this struggle have led me to develop an eating disorder, as my mindset about food and eating is no longer healthy or kind to my body and mind.

This is caused by my family's generational lifestyle, which leans toward obesity. The fact that most of my extended family members are obese

makes me fight even harder to get the body that I want.

Some of you may attain it effortlessly,

but we don't (my sister and I).

And the fact that I just achieved my dream body three weeks ago,

only to lose it quickly for an unknown reason that I still question God about,

is disheartening.

Looking back, I wish I could say I'm glad God has taken the body I worked for and replaced it with greater gifts, as I believe everything happens for a reason.

I know that someday I will achieve that body again, and I will prove that I deserve it, using it to glorify God's name.

Maybe God always brings us down first before we can receive greater blessings.

And everyone's path doesn't need to be the same.